I think a lot of brides-to-be and bridesmaids-to-be are gonna be appreciative of this blog entry because I'm gonna be writing about
1) How to pick your bridesmaids
2) How to be a good bridesmaid!
I've been a bridesmaid 3 times now. Once for my cousin, once for my childhood friend Xiao Feng, and once for Audrey.
Here I am yelling at the best men to give us money before they can fetch the bride
Although I've only had my ROM solemnization which had no bridesmaids involved, I've once been a bride and I know the importance of bridesmaids in a wedding.
First, for people who have no idea, what do bridesmaids do and what is their role in a wedding?
A bride will usually pick 1 Maid of honour and about 4 to 8 bridesmaids. The number can vary of course.
During a traditional Chinese wedding, the Maid of Honour will be in charge of taking care of everything for the bride including holding her train.
All of the bridesmaids including the Maid of Honour have to do certain activities including - Organizing a hen's night party, trying and sometimes buying a bridesmaids dress before the wedding, being wedding receptionists, and organizing the gate crashing games to "torture" the best men.
Other things are optional such as walking down the aisle with the bride, going with the bride for gown fitting etc.
HOW TO PICK YOUR BRIDESMAIDS
Most people only get married once so they don't have the experience to wisen up when picking bridesmaids. Most of us just think we should pick every single close female friend we have, which is seriously... a huge mistake.
Of course nobody envisions themselves to turn into a bridezilla on their wedding day, but unfortunately, unless you are really weird or really lucky, you most likely will be.
Everything that can possibly turn out wrong will. Your caterer would have forgotten the vegetarian food for your boss. Your florist turns up with the wrong flowers. Your brother went drinking the night before and is MIA. ETC ETC ETC.
All these contingencies happen and the last thing you need is girl drama.
When you think bridesmaid - think of it as hiring a helper, not someone who will make your life more difficult for you. Think of it as getting a good... well... slave for the day.
Here's who NOT to pick. Consider this fair warning.
1) DO NOT PICK THE DRAMA QUEEN
Never ever ever. Biggest mistake. Do not pick someone who simply cannot stand someone else being the center of attention for even 1 second. Have you ever seen a girl who keeps steering the conversation back to herself during a group chat?
"Hey have you guys seen Batman?"
"Yeah it is good... But did you know I pierced my ears? Let's talk about me and my feelings."
DO NOT PICK HER. Especially if she is not married or engaged, or worse, single. The entire time she will keep harping on how she is envious of you and talk about the nasty men in her life.
The last thing you want is to keep hearing how horrible men are and marriage is a scam. Or how sad and forever alone she is.
You know what drama queen does when the attention is not on her? That's right, she creates drama. Once she finds life boring, she creates bad situations so people pay attention to her.
She will make your wedding day about HER.
It will always be about her and her self-created issues. If you dare get angry with her for screaming and crying on your wedding day, she will say "How can you be so selfish? Do you know I fought with my boyfriend and we almost broke up?" ROLLS EYES
Not all drama queens are bad. I'm an attention whore yes but I've been married before so I know how it feels like to have attention seekers ruin a wedding so I don't want to do that to others.
It shouldn't be hard to sieve out the horrible ones... Think back of your previous birthday parties... did your attention seeking friend try to steal your thunder? Answer is yes, ditch her.
2) DO NOT PICK THE WET BLANKET
There are girls who are excited about weddings, and there are girls who aren't. Those who think that weddings are a waste of time will keep acting like she is doing you a huge favour by being your bridesmaid.
A true friend will be happy for you and work hard to make your special day special for you, even if she doesn't enjoy all the bridesmaid duties.
Pick the excited, enthusiastic girl.
Do not pick the one who sighs when you ask her to do the littlest thing. I've literally seen bridesmaids who refuse to help at all, and even worse, create problems for the bride by refusing to wear the dress the bride picks (she hates all colours probably), or whining about how early she has to wake up for the gate crashing.
All you need is ONE wet blanket to make your wedding seem like a chore.
No, it is something FUN. And if she cannot understand how by being sweet and hardworking for your wedding you will do the same for her... DITCH HER.
3) DO NOT PICK THE FLAKY
This should go without saying... If your girlfriend constantly goes missing, does not pick up her calls, bails on meeting you for the most absurd reasons... Don't pick her.
You can be sure she will bail on your wedding day too, probably she decided to stay another week in Tibet or her distant relative died (they are always dying).
Either that or she turns up extremely late or forgot to do something important you asked her to do. Don't risk it! Just pick responsible people!
It may seem like with all these criteria you will have nobody else to pick. But actually a lot of times drama queens are also flaky and are wet blankets about stuff that aren't centered around them lol.
Who to pick then?
Pick helpful, enthusiastic girls. Girls who are patient, understanding, and don't mind being in the background for a day.
Pick people whom you can trust to do stuff for you, who do it right and do it well. There will be loads of stuff you need to delegate that day! Of your entourage try to get at least 1 bridesmaid with experience (either was a bridesmaid or was married).
Sometimes it is hard to pick someone in your clique who is helpful and nice and leave out the drama queen because the drama queen will be offended. If you find it very hard to talk to her to ensure she doesn't create problems for you on your wedding day, then just find some sort of excuse like your fortune teller says her ba zhi clashes with yours.
Or that you can only have a certain amount of bridesmaids and you picked straws and she didn't get picked. Or just show her this blog entry lol. You can go ahead and risk it of course, but you will most likely regret it!
Now for the second part...
HOW TO BE A GOOD BRIDESMAID
- Be extra alert and keep your eyes open for when the bride needs help and go help her
- Smile and look happy
- Put in effort when organizing the hen's night or gate crashing
- Look pretty without overshadowing the bride
- Accompany the bride throughout the whole day even though you are bored or tired.
- Turn up late. Big no no!
- Talk about yourself or your problems. So your dog died or you found out you are pregnant. Save it for another day.
- Be fussy about your bridesmaid dress
- Flirt with the groom
- I'm just adding nonsense to my very short list now.
Just as a disclaimer - I wouldn't say I was the best bridesmaid for my friends' and cousin's weddings but I think I got a little better with experience and I tried harder each time. Sometimes I cannot help it, like I think I whined a little too much during Audrey's hen's night coz KL bars are so completely filled with smoke. Tried to tolerate it and normally I can't stand being around cigarette smoke for even 1 minute so I have to say after 3 hours it wore me down. Oops!! Sorry Aud!!
OK that's it for this entry!
I know a lot of you girls who grew up with me reading my blog are of marriageable age now. Just thinking about this makes me feel so touched and happy!! Hope this blog post made your wedding a bit more enjoyable and I hope everyone has a happy, long lasting marriage!! ♥